Welcome to the Flaming Faggot

Callovia is called "the boundless empire" yet you have managed to find its northern border - a notorious roadhouse deep within the Madrasan Marches on the edge of the wilds of Llanvirnesse. The sign above the door reads "Flaming Faggot," which would suggest a cozy, homey inn with fresh biscuits served at teatime if not for the severed troll heads mounted on pikes at the gate.

As you cross the threshold the raucous din quiets momentarily as all eyes dart to the door and calloused hands drop instinctively to well-worn sword hilts. The threat, instantly assessed, is dismissed and roadhouse patrons go about their business hardly missing a beat.

Grim, hard-eyed men huddle around tables in close conversation thick with conspiracy; caravan guards gamble away their earnings; Caemric rangers sit close to the fireplace cooking the damp of the Black Annis from their clothes as they warm their innards with Red Dragon Ale; minstrels play and buxom wenches dance for the pleasure of men who pay them little attention - until they need a companion to warm their bed.

As you approach the bar, a huge, bald barman with a greatsword slung across his back slides a mug of freshly-pulled ale towards you, its frothy head dripping over the rim.

"Pull up a seat, lad," he says, "and let me tell you a tale of high adventure."

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Happy Birthday, Chuck!

In case you haven't heard, today is Chuck Norris's 71st birthday.  I realize that as a pop-culture icon, Chuck has been reduced to little more than a running series of internet jokes, but I'll always remember him as one of my cinema heroes of the '70's and '80's, not as the subject of ridicule.

Though he was the star of many popular movies, such as Lone Wolf McQuade, Forced Vengeance, and Silent Rage, my personal favourite has always been The Octagon.


Although the movie, admittedly has a few weak points, like endless flashbacks, and forcing us to listen to Chuck's thoughts echoing in his head, it gives us something none of the others did: Lee Van Cleef and lots of ninjas.  As far as I'm concerned you can never get enough of either.

So Happy Birthday, Chuck; keep on kicking!

Now to borrow a page from James' plan to use sex appeal to grow the OSR, I leave you with a bit of beefcake for the ladies.

Chuck Norris wants YOU for the OSR!

5 comments:

The Happy Whisk said...

Happy Birthday, Chuck. My Hungarian Grandma (we called her Mamam), loved to watch him. She'd say in her thick accent, "Come on I, Chuck is on. Ve eating pizza."

I miss that. Thanks for the good memory.

Sean Robson said...

Hi Ivy,
My grandma loved Clint Eastwood. Especially the 'Dirty Harry' movies.

The Happy Whisk said...

Mine too and she also loved John Wayne. Or, as she called him, John Vayne. She loved the old black and white classic monster movies too. A battle would break out between wolfman and some dude and she'd shout, "Come on! Get'em!"

Good stuff. Good stuff.

Shane Mangus said...

I never realized Chuck was so man-scaped! At least he just clipped his chest hair and didn't actually shave it!

Sean Robson said...

Yes, he is a hairy little man!